sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
