its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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