with your own penis?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
