How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
