Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
