okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
