when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
