He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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