no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
