Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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