Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize