I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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