felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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