totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize