I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
