ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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