this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
