She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
