you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize