Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
