So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
