Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
