That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
