it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
