You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
