Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
