"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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