I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
