he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
