Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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