i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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