My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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