I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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