Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
