dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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