She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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