I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
