can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
