Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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