and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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