I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
