the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
