On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
