your thong is hanging out like whoa
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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