i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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