I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
