My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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