I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
