my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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