You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
