i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
