i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize