i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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