I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
