No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
