have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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