there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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