the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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