The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
