how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
