I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
