I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize