btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
