Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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