I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Everything about him screamed your future.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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