why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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