Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
