A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
