Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
