I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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