New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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