Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
