I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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